Flabby Friday and Its not all about me

Yes I have  had to be honest and change the name of the blog. Not much fitness going on here... but lots of weight. Last time I weighed I was 94.2 kgs. NOT good. I do want to make a change to that but my motivation is still really limited.

Fixit Guy lost his fitbit in Malaysia. It got snagged as he was entering a train and fell down between the train and the track. To make matters worse it was as he was entering the train so by the time he realised the door was shut and we were pulling out of the station. To make matters worse the station has doors on it between the platform and the train... so between trains you can't access the track even if you wanted to. (and no piece of electronic equipment is worth risking your life for by jumping down onto the train tracks even if you could access it... right?)

Since he lost his my motivation to track and get my steps up has gone almost completely. I was always in competition with him - he was usually way out ahead of me but it was fun to chase him and compare our steps each day.

Added to that my fitbit started to play up a bit and wasn't registering all my steps. Days that I knew I had made my 10 000 steps were coming up as 0 whilst we didn't have internet connection and so that in itself was very frustrating.

Now its getting cooler here the motivation to get up early and go for a walk first thing has vanished. Fixit Guy has retired so we sleep in more often and then by the time we are up we don't have time to walk when we have other commitments that morning and so morning walks have become almost non existent. Then the afternoons are closing in and its getting dark earlier... if we are busy and it gets a bit late the time available to walk has diminished or gone. Jack never thinks that is the case and he is always keen so Fixit Guy has often taken him for a quick lap on his own. As I say my motivation has disappeared.

So my fitbit stats aren't worth recording. My plan is to become remotivated... soon... sometime

This week has been a difficult one for our family and so my weight and lack of exercise haven't really registered with me

On Monday the husband of someone who has been a very dear friend since we moved to this town 26 years ago died suddenly. Woody was 50. He was our friend too. Our families shared many times together.  He had a heart attack and was gone. Healthwise that should motivate me but at the moment I am too sad to be bothered.

 Our children are similar ages, the ones whose ages match more exactly are the same sexes and so were involved in many of the same activities at the same time. My youngest son shares his name... different spelling but same name. Boyo wasn't named after my friend's husband but when we are choosing names for our babies  we associate the names with other people we know who share that name so obviously Woody was pretty special. 

Av and I even learned to quilt at the same time... she was responsible for dragging me along to the same class (protesting that I really didn't need to learn to cut up perfectly good fabric into little squares and then sew them together again) I told her it wasn't going to take over my life (she often quotes me on this)

The funeral isn't till next Thursday so we have a long delay ahead of us. I am staying close by my friend available but trying not to intrude. I want to be helpful but not a burden. When I have been at her place there have been so many other people there, in and out. I've seen her face, pale and drawn so sad and exhausted. I don't want to be someone else that she has to cope with but want to be there if she needs me. She knows I am here for the long haul. She is in my prayers and in my heart. 

Part of me wants to be by her side, asking questions, giving advice, giving love, being part of the moment and the decision making but that is all about me.

And its not about me so I have stepped back confident that my friend knows I am here and will be here when she needs me. Part of me wants to be needed right now but God is helping me to overcome that desire and just be here where she knows she can find me when she needs me.

Fangirl is one of her daughter A's best friends. A lives in Brisbane but flew home immediately she heard. Fangirl is with her after work each day doing what she can, often just sitting and listening and distracting if necessary. So I am being here for my sweet loving daughter who is helping her friend cope with this devastating loss.

I know our sons are also feeling it - and feeling vulnerable cause their dad is older than Woody. And he is a long way away from them right now as they live in Brisbane and Melbourne 1000s of kms away. Boyo sent me a text telling me to keep him safe. I am doing my best.